True but thats because hes a fetus.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
