it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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