I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize