Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
