So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
