I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
