i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
