Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
