he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
