Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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