absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
