have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
