theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize