How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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