i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
