sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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