the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
