I must be too annoying 4 u.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
