She announced her abortion via fbk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
