I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
