do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
