found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize