I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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