I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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