i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
