mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
