Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
