I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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