When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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