Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
