HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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