Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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