i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
