I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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