I am puke
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize