I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
