Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
