You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have to summon your inner elephant
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
