He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
