i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
