my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
