Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
