I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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