I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
