i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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