the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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