He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
