i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
