he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize