And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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