He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
