Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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