her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
