I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I enjoy the company of your penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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