now i know why i became what i already was.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
