i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
