dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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