If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
