If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
