I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
