THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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