Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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