the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
