Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
