everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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