dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
