so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
