yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
