I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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