I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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