I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
