bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
