he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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