Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
