She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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