so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
