So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize