God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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