talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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