My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
