Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
