Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize