I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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