I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
