I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize