real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
