I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
