I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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