my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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