69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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