I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize