True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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