She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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