She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
