i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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