yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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