I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
