Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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