Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your cock deserves a montage
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
tell me about the fingering
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
